tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1127730574460984345.post8204167037722903301..comments2023-10-23T08:10:29.657-05:00Comments on The World Of Chelle': It Breaks my Heart...Chelle'http://www.blogger.com/profile/15831750082703333188noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1127730574460984345.post-17570866513654335082007-10-08T15:03:00.000-05:002007-10-08T15:03:00.000-05:00Hi Chelle',I came across your blog after reading a...Hi Chelle',<BR/><BR/>I came across your blog after reading a comment of yours on Beth Moore's blog. I just wanted to try to give you some sort of an answer about the whole self-harm issue.<BR/><BR/>I don't really know how to answer all of your questions, but I can tell you this: I accepted Christ at a very young age, and yet I still struggled with anorexia from the age of 16 until the age of 31, when I finally went to a Christian treatment center for women with eating disorders. Did I know Christ for all those years? Yes. Did I have some idea of what His character is like? Yes. Did I love Him and want to serve Him? Absolutely, yes, to the best of my ability at the time. <BR/>So what went wrong? Why was I anorexic for 15 years? I'm not entirely sure. Eating disorders are extremely complex and can arise from many sources. It would take pages and pages for me to describe how mine started and all the things that kept me imprisoned to it over the years. But I think you really hit on something when you described the way you have to deal with your physical illness day by day. That is the same thing I have to do in my recovery from my eating disorder. One of the turning points in my recovery was when I realized I don't have to do this on my own. It's not something I have to "fix" by myself. God cares about me enough to help me get through a meal. I used to think that was stupid, that I should be able to handle a little thing like eating a proper meal. But God never told me that. In treatment, I had to unlearn some things I had believed about God and learn some life-changing truths about His heart toward me, and His willingness to meet me where I am. I really had to learn (not in my head, but in my heart) that His love is unconditional. That He knows where I am and loves me anyway. If I have to pray and ask Him to help me take just one more bite of the food on my plate, then I can - and He will help me. He won't think it's stupid. If I have to come to Him and acknowledge that I've been deceiving myself in some area, He will forgive me. And He will help me see the truth. <BR/>Ultimately, I guess it all comes down to surrender - just like it does for you. I had to surrender my whole way of looking at things, my whole way of life. When I went to Remuda Ranch (the treatment center) and in the year or two after I came home, EVERYTHING changed. My whole life. And now, 5 years later, it continues to change. God continues to show me what more there is to lay down. It's not physical behaviors (for the most part) anymore; but it is emotional and spiritual baggage that I'm STILL carrying from childhood, and He's asking me to surrender it. I suppose this process will continue for as long as there is still anything left that keeps me from being free. <BR/>If all this sounds like a drag, IT'S NOT!! My life is 1,000 times better than it ever was before treatment!!!! It's just that God continues to work healing in my life, on progressively deeper levels. I praise Him for that. I'm not healed yet, but I am healing.<BR/>As far as my physical recovery goes, I've been maintaining my weight for awhile now, I don't know how long. I had a baby in 2003 and struggled with my weight for awhile after she started walking, because it was so much more exercise than I was used to! But now it seems to have evened out, and I have been stable for some time now. <BR/>I guess I should end this long harangue. I hope I've said something that is helpful to you.Redeemedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01169849387907302099noreply@blogger.com