It's been a rough couple of weeks around the "W" house. I'm sure you've noticed based upon my frequent absences from the Love Dare. I apologize by the way.
A couple weeks ago we found out we were expecting baby number 4! A baby. Due July 24th. It was a surprise to say the least and we had mixed emotions. Our youngest is nearly 5. We have been planning to move. P's company, National City was just bought out by PNC.
Well, a week after we found out, I went in for a generic appointment with generic "baby" labs, only to hear back days later that my numbers were "low". My Dr. wanted to know if there was any chance the baby could have been conceived later than reported. I knew there wasn't. Particularly because I received a positive test fairly early.
They sent out repeat labs. The hope was that the HCG levels would double. The catch was that it would take three days to get the results. And if that wasn't hard enough- I'd have to wait for the results while attending a baby shower for a dear friend.
God was gracious. Over those three days I learned, quickly, how to pray for His will. I really felt like it was the first time that I couldn't pick a way to pray. I couldn't slant my prayers one way or the other. I never would have planned to be pregnant... but I certainly wouldn't wish one away either. I prayed often, "Be it unto me according to YOUR WILL". I suppose I figured... it worked for Mary...
All along, I thought for sure that I would get a phone call confirming that our numbers had doubled and that the baby was fine. I wasn't sure where we would put him/her, or what we would name him/her, or what other people would think about us having another him/her... but I thought for sure we'd have to figure all that out over time.
Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way. We are no longer pregnant. And to my amazement, as the pregnancy was unplanned, my heart hurts.
I heard this song over the weekend... Faith Hill put it out on her Christmas Disc Joy to the World. It's called, "A Baby Changes Everything." I had a word or two with the Lord over the irony of the song in the midst of my situation. But He seemed to settle my heart, calm my hurt, and show me just how much THE baby, 2000 years ago, changed everything. Especially as He granted me the opportunity to receive peace and comfort in the midst of my sadness.
I pray this Christmas, that you too would access the Love, Peace, Joy, and Comfort given you from the Father through a precious baby, born to change everything!