Sunday, April 22, 2007

My Reckoning...

I came to a realization today...

The reason some people are content to rest in God and do NOT require the details of the upcoming events in their life (and or the time line of their lives...) is because they TRUST God. They BELIEVE THE BIBLE, HIS WORD, when it says that God watches over sparrows... how much more will He watch over them? They believe that God wants exceedingly abundantly more for them than they could want for themselves. They know that GOD'S WILL IS PERFECT AS IS HIS TIMING and though, at times, they don't know what either of those are... They KNOW GOD. And that in focusing ON GOD and not on their circumstances- they find rest in Him.

I'm not going to lie. This is a struggle for me. Anyone who knows me knows that I like to be in control. I like to know exactly what's going on, when and how it will be executed. I've always been that way. To a FAULT! (That goes without saying... obviously.) The thing is... I think I deceived even myself with the extent of my controlling nature.

Realizing this today, I really started to look back over my life and circumstances... wondering why I began certain things and always ended up failing at them. Wondering why I would EXCEL in things short term but be unable to have the same success for extended periods of time... and it hit me. It was because each time I started something with vigor and stick-to-it-iveness- I did so in MY strength. In MY capabilities. In MY will! And well, I'm just not strong enough.

The Lyme has been a breaking point for me. The amount of times I've had pity parties... as if God OWES me something. As if God doesn't love me because He isn't removing this from my life. As if God doesn't have a good enough plan and or isn't in control of my health because the Lyme remains intrusive in my life. (ALL the lies of the enemy...)

And yet I know that His Love does not mean that my life will be perfect. It does not guarantee me a life free from concerns, problems or even health issues. Look at Jesus. HIS SON. Out of LOVE He allowed His son SACRIFICED in the worst death possible at the time. A death of shame, embarrassment, degradation. God turned His face from Jesus. Jesus was ALONE. He allowed His son to endure death on a cross ALONE. When I really take time to think about it... I cry.

The reality is, that though my life in Christ does NOT guarantee me freedom from pain, suffering and at times heartache...


(Not even Christ had that.)

If that doesn't prove God's love... I don't know what will.

How's that for a reckoning?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm way behind on your blog. I'm having a pity party myself today so I'm glad I happened to look in on what's going on for you. You speak truth, the Word says to consider Christ and Him crucified whenever we are in these doubtful times. Praise God that He doesn't want our hearts to be troubled but look up and know that He is coming back! I'm praying for you sister. I will pray that through this trial it will produce the perserverence that James speaks of so that you will lack nothing! Love You. Sorry I couldn't talk on Saturday. I'll try to call you today!