Monday, September 10, 2007


I have been spending a lot of time with God lately. Really wanting to abandon all for Him. Realizing that though in the moment it is a bit of a trial to disperse all distractions and wandering thoughts that in the long run it will become habitual and God's presence constant.

I spent time in my journal yesterday recounting areas I felt certain God confirmed in me different things He is doing. Moments that showed me He is indeed with me at all times, in all things, to further His will and purpose.

And before I jot down a few of those confirmations... I want to say clearly and without reserve... that the moments spent with God- the clear confirmations given me- far outweigh any other thing I do that (in my opinion) brings me joy or pleasure. (ie... seeing my children giggle, holding my husbands hand, shopping, coffee, talking on the phone with friends etc.)

Here goes...

In abandoning myself, my will, my needs, my fears, my health, my schedule, my husband, my children and my finances to the Lord... in telling Him, "No matter what!!! I choose you, I trust you and you're enough for me."... in being in the word, in prayer etc... I felt a renewed energy and excitement to reconnect with highschool/college girls in regards to choices, security, morals... and God. I still don't know how God will allow that to occur but within days of making myself available to His plan for me (whatever the capacity) I went to women's ministry at our church. In just an hour I was on a list to share my testimony, all that God has done and is doing in my life with over 40 girls/women of our church. At the end of our time together- my pastor's wife indicated that there is such a need for a younger Beth Moore in our church and society.

(I'm not saying that God will use me to be that person. But I am saying that God continues to stir a part of me to minister to girls/women... to be used publicly in that way... and I am fully submitted to Him, to being in His presence and to knowing Him and worshiping Him fully as my first priority.)

Second- I shared in a prior post how that internal stirring to minister with and for women began... a renewal of sorts of things in me from before marriage... and my post to you all as to what the Call of God on your life is... what God's will for you is- do you know?- and are you willing to seek Him for it and respond in obedience??...

I went to church this Sunday and our Sr. pastor was speaking on that very topic. "God's Will: Discovering Your Path." Ironic? possible. Coincidental- NO WAY. God's working in my heart on that very topic... and He is working in the heart of my Sr. pastor-obviously... is He working in others? Is He maybe calling His bride to corporately seek His will and respond in obedience so He can further His providential will?

Here's the thing- God's Providential will says that He'll accomplish His will with our without us. In effect- despite us. God's Moral will includes those things that are right and wrong for us... and God's Personal will for us is what each and every one of us go before Him to know so we can impact that which He has specifically set aside for us to impact.


This principle seems to contribute to the overwhelming surge of MID-LIFE CRISES! Those that have sought success, business, advancement, career, family, personal goals... or no goals at all tend to find themselves (usually around the time they are empty nesters) wondering what their lives have become and what they should then do with themselves. They tend to be seeking God's PERSONAL WILL... without God. And many have difficulty finding it (hense the expensive red convertibles, the new hair cuts, fancy jewels and clothes and over the top vacations...) And I would venture a guess that fulfillment in achieving NON-GOD successes... isn't fulfillment at all and that the need to know God's providential and moral wills are the only things that will lead to His personal will which brings fulfillment and peace.

(Isn't this exciting??)

Third- I've been assessing my time of growing up, asking my mom about discipline and communication, and trying to find a reason I developed a propensity toward short fuse/quick tempered-ness.... and recently realized it wasn't at all from my family but from the mother of one of my best friends growing up. My parents worked so I often spent my time across the street with my friend and her family. Sadly, her mother was an angry, lazy woman who rarely got up from the couch or recliner and ordered us all around loudly and with little regard for our feelings. Her only voice was an "outside" voice.

It was an awakening to me. WOW! I got this from her and I'm not even hers. OUCH.

God confirmed that in me when I went to my small group this week. The topic... GENERATIONAL CURSES. Things that pass down from generation to generation. Rachelle, my pastor's wife, talked a little about generational curses and how they are still applicable today. She discussed how immediately upon reading the passage regarding generational curses (Exodus 20.4-6) her "IT'S NOT FAIR" alarm went off. (Insert whining here...'It's not fair that I get pounded for something my grandparents did... it's not fair that I have "this one thing" lurking around me when I had nothing to do with it... IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!!!')


Huh! That's interesting right? I have to battle something that my mom didn't impart to me, or my dad for that matter. But the mother of a friend that lived across the street and with whom I spent much of my upbringing.

I'm not complaining... knowledge is power and knowing that this is a struggle for me and from where it came gives me the ability to relinquish it at every moment to the foot of the cross. And that's just what I have to do. Relinquish it OFTEN... and ask for strength to choose a different path so my children aren't subject to receiving this in their hearts and minds.

And lastly, a host of small confirmations through things said to me by Paul regarding certain decisions we find our family making these days. I would offer thoughts as wisdom/advice that he was unsure of until God used others to confirm my words to him. These are minor and hardly specific enough to note... but mean all the world to me.

I am so grateful for all that God confirmed recently... all that He has been speaking to my heart for a few weeks now. What a great God we serve.

That God would care enough about me to send a "you're on the right track"... "keep going on this"... and a few "I'm meeting you where you are" confirmations means everything to me. And in those sweet moments when I hear that confirmation in my soul... everything falls wayside for the presence of the Lord overshadows it all.

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