Wednesday, September 12, 2007

God Won't Force It... But It Won't Go Away Either.

I heard once that the Holy Spirit is a gentleman. That God knocks and waits for you to answer. That the Holy Spirit nudges, He doesn't knock over.

Today I believe that to be true.

I was talking earlier with someone about my experience throughout the Lyme and things I felt the Lord required of me. And I recalled the first bit of scripture God brought to my attention (very early on in this process) when I thought for sure that my three symptoms could only be ALS. The scripture (and it was incomplete at that) was this, "BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT"

I actually had so little scripture committed to memory that I had to ask Paul if he knew about that scripture, where it came from and where I could find it's context.

He, being much more versed in the scripture that I, knew immediately... It's in Daniel- when Shadrach, Meshach and Abendnego refused to worship King Nebuchadnessar.... (Sidenote- if I ever questioned the love of God for me... I needed only look at the man of God He gave me to confirm His overwhelming, unconditional Love for me.)

I digress...

Here's my point-Nebuchadnessar gives Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego a final opportunity to worship the image of gold he set up or they would be thrown into a blazing furnace (Dan. 3.6) to which surely they would die. And these three young men of God replied this way,

"O Nebuchadnessar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is ABLE TO SAVE US from it, BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

WHAT??? THIS is the scripture you gave me God? BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT???? What are you trying to say? Are you not going to save me? Am I doomed to death? Should I throw in the towel now?

I don't have to tell you how unsettling this verse was to me in the beginning of my illness. What did God want from me?

I had no idea and I didn't really want to know because I feared the answer was not to my liking.

The thing that gets me... MAYBE my journey through this Lyme would have been a more peaceful one, a less fearful one, a more fruitful one had I surrendered myself to that scripture and His desires for me... ultimately- TO HIM 2 years ago.

Fast forward two years to find that the God still knocks. Holy Spirit still nudges. TWO YEARS LATER- Here He is asking the same thing. Even if what you fear most about your symptoms were to occur, even if you are allowed to endure the progress of this or any other disease, EVEN IF I DO NOT save you, Do you choose me, Do you TRUST ME, Am I ENOUGH for you?

YES! I do. Most definitely. Without reserve. Without regard. Without pause. I most certainly do.

But I didn't. And the Holy Spirit didn't knock me over. And God didn't condemn me because I didn't do it His way, the right way, RIGHT AWAY! I write this with tears in my eyes because I really am the most wicked of any- lacking faith, trust, and love for God. I deserve nothing but in His grace he grants me much and the greatest of all- HIMSELF.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Once again Chelle you blow me away with your insight and feelings. God Bless You.