Friday, October 24, 2008

Love Dare- Day 8!!

Yesterday's Followup: Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts? What attribute did you thank your spouse (child) for having?

Love Is Not Jealous

Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. - Song of Solomon 8.6

Jealousy is one of the strongest drives known to man. It comes from the root word for ZEAL and means, "To burn with an intense fire." The Scripture pointedly says, "Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, but who can stand before jealousy?" Proverbs 27.4

There are actually two forms of jealousy- a legitimate jealousy based upon love and an illegitimate jealousy based upon envy. An affair tends to lead to legitimate jealousy. A wife gives herself to another leading her husband to have a justified, jealous anger as he longs to have back what is rightfully his.

The Bible describes God as having this kind of righteous jealousy for His people. He's not envious of us, wishing He had what we have since he already owns everything. He deeply longs for us- desiring for us to keep Him as our first love. The Bible warns us not to worship anything but Him because "the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God"(Deuteronomy 4.24)

Illegitimate jealousy opposes love and is rooted in selfishness. It is sparked when someone else upstages you and gets something you want. It leads to fighting, quarreling and every evil thing. (James 3.16, 4.1-2) Jealousy caused Cain to murder Abel, Sarah to send away her handmaiden because Hagar could bear children, and Joseph's brothers to sell him into slavery. And ultimately, what caused Jesus to be crucified. When selfishness rules, any good thing happening to only on of you in marriage can be a catalyst for envy... and illegitimate jealousy.

Love, however, is not selfish and puts others first, it refuses to let jealousy in. It leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them. It is time to let love, humility and gratefulness destroy any jealousy that springs up in your heart.

Today's Dare

Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take Yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse(child) how glad you are about a success he/she recently enjoyed.


Denise said...

Ok, I had a little difficulty with this dare. Positive things-piece of cake!! Negative things??? Major problem. I admit, I may be a little bit prejudice when it comes to my lovebug. Ok, actually, I am extremely prejudice when it comes to my lovebug. Not being able to think of any negative characteristics that your spouse possesses, now that is something to smile about.

Anonymous said...

love believes the BEST. this sentence says it all for me.

sailorcross said...

I was away all day yesterday, picking my youngest up in Baltimore at the airport, then spending the day at Inner Harbor and Lexington Market, so I ran out of time!!

But, I am going to do this during my lunch at work today--no, not just one son--no, not just one son and one daughter--but, one son and two daughters!!

On the way home for Balto. yesterday, I asked my youngest the three things that irritate question, and she said that sometimes I'm a little "guilt-trippy" to her! Now, that's something I really need to work on, too!!

I'm praying for strength to do this for all three, and I thought to do them one at a time. But, now it seems as if all 3 are going to be involved!!

But, there is good news!! My oldest daughter who told my son that "EVERYTHING" is wrong with me and decided to stop speaking to me for a period of two days, came to my home last night and said that wasn't true--she was sorry she said that, but she will be able to come up with three.

Sorry for backtracking--but adding these other two in--I had to do a few steps backward, and now I'm up to the Day 7 with all 3!

What a challenge the Lord has placed before me!!


The Patterson 5 said...

I posted a link to your blog from mine- I hope you don't mind. I am just on day one but look forward to the challenges ahead!

Chelle' said...

Really Denise? REALLY. I was not at all that way. To be quite honest, I'm still sitting here this morning praying for the Lord to soften my heart and show me more of Him in my husband so I can add to my list of positives for him.

It was not difficult at all to throw down a list of negatives. (I hate that by the way... I hate that it is easier for me to see and complain about the ways I think he needs to change)

I am really looking forward to today's challenge. Those of you that know me know you don't have to tell me twice to be a "cheerleader!" I will route for the home team today. I will be Paul's biggest fan. And without causing a bonfire... I will burn my negative list.

Oh yes, I am excited about today's Dare.

The Patterson 5 said...

Thanks for adding me in! Thanks especially for praying for my marriage and for my friend Cindy!

Michele said...

This is so wonderful Chelle! I don't have the book but I am learning so much just from reading this. I never thought about doing this for my children!!!!!

Joanne said... this I can do.

My pom poms are out and ready.


...and just to jump in on the band wagon, I too could make out a long list of things I don't particularly like about my hubby. Looking at it from a different angle, I can see just how petty I am (add that to the list of reasons why I am not diggin this love dare, it reflects my selfish nature WAY TOO MUCH). Goodness, my husband would need another reem of paper to finish a list of my negative atributes. I was very grateful yesterday that he is not doing this.

Mama Abby said...

This dare reminded me of when my parents were at their worst and the counselor, by God's grace and through MUCH prayer, they decided to go see...he asked them to make lists of only positive things about the other. My Dad shared how that was HARD which surprised me because I thought my mom was the one with all of the resentment...I think the counselor said 20 things for both of took work for them, but it was the beginning of a serious softening and major healing before my mom went home to be with the Lord...

Personally, I had a much harder time with the negative list...not because I can't think of anything, but because I'd already written the positives, then the negatives seemed so petty and I felt this weight inside like this is a "yucky" heart that would think/dwell upon these things. I was ready to burn it last night!! I think that's a good thing...

sailorcross said...

I worked on my lists for all 3 of my children over my lunch at work.

In my son and my youngest daughter, I found it much easier to come up with positives than negatives.

Then, my eldest daughter--my middle child--very easy to come up with negatives. Yes, there are positives, but the negatives were the first things that came to my mind. I really didn't like that about myself.

I have written more on "The Power of Your Love" about this if you want to stop by for a visit and read.


Mari said...

I really didn't have a problem with either list - however I notice that the things that annoy me are minor and often caused by me not speaking up. The good list has the important stuff on it!

Nancy said...

My positives far out weight the negatives, I truly have a great man to love.

Heather said...

Chelle - I am glad you spoke up b/c my list of negatives was also longer and I found myself having to explain the positives like..helpful (when actually home). But I finally came up with an equal sized list.

Today was a rough one and twice the ugly Heather came out. But rather than apologize b/c I still think they were warranted I stated in a calm manner why I was upset and I think b/c I was calm my husband was able to see my side.

This is so good for me. Thanks Chelle for all the typing and honest reflection.