Thursday, October 23, 2008

Love Dare- Day 7!!

Yesterday's Followup: Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it? What decisions have to made today?

Love Believes the BEST! (Hold on today ya'll... )

...(Love) believes all things, hopes all things. -I Corinthians 13:7

In the deep and private corridors of your heart, there is a room. It's called the Appreciation Room. It's where your thoughts go when you encounter positive and encouraging things about your spouse. On the walls are written kind words and phrases describing the good attributes of your mate. Included may be "honest", "intelligent" and or "diligent worker". When you think about these things your appreciation for your spouse begins to increase.

Down another darker corridor of your heart lies the Depreciation Room and unfortunately you visit there as well. Its walls are lined with the weaknesses and failures of your spouse. Their bad habits, hurtful words, and poor decisions are written in large letters that cover the walls from one end to the other. Visiting this room can cause depression as emotional injuries fester here.

Spending time in the Depreciation Room KILLS MARRIAGES. Divorces are plotted in this room as hearts devalue spouses.


You must decide to stop running to this room and lingering there after every frustrating event in your relationship. Love chooses to believe the best about people and gives them the benefit of the doubt. It refuses to fill in the unknowns with negative assumptions.

As much as possible, love focuses on the positive.

It's time to let love lead your thoughts and your focus. The only reason you should glance in the door of the Depreciation Room is to know how to pray for your spouse. And the only reason you should ever go into this room is to write, "Covered in LOVE" across the walls.

Developing the habit of reigning in your negative thoughts and focusing on the positive attributes of your mate is a crucial step to learning to lead your heart to truly love your spouse. It is a decision that you make, whether they deserve it or not.

Today's Dare
For Today's Dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second piece. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.


sailorcross said...

Good Morning, Chelle'!

I have posted my response to this to my blog, and I'm going to copy it here for you:

Day 6- Love is not IRRITABLE!

"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city." Proverbs 16.32

I have affirmed myself with this verse: When Beth is slow to anger, she will be made strong, and God, who rules her spirit, will recapture the hearts of her children.

* Allow myself some time alone with each of them, to truly listen to what they are telling me instead of plowing ahead with my own agenda.

* After to listening to what they are telling me, I need to think before I speak. So many times, what I want for them and for their lives just isn't on their own agenda right at that moment.

* I need to put aside my own frustrations and feelings and consider their feelings and frustrations at this point in their own lives, and seek the wisdom of God as to how to answer them. If I answer them right at that moment, I more than likely will say something to irritate them since they have irritated me! (SELFISHNESS!!)

* If I need to ask them for time to consider their request of me or to prayerfully consider what they are going through, that is okay. (PATIENCE!)

* And again, patience--I need to be patient with them. They have gone through a lot in their short lives. I need to put aside my own feelings and help them deal with theirs.

* I need to put myself aside (PRIDE!!) and ask God what is best for these children. Yes, they are adults in age, but as I'm looking and studying this, I'm seeing that in some instances their development has stopped at the teenage level. They are still living their lives in the past, and they need to be helped into the present.


There are also some things written on my blog with I didn't share here. If anyone would like to stop by and visit:

Denise said...

This is such a great dare for all marriages. We need to approach the tough times in our marriages with love, not anger or irritation. I need to always make sure there is room for error in my marriage, and gladly accept that with love. No marriage is perfect, we need to always make an effort to willingly make our marriages better. Love is always the correct answer, not anger.

Joanne said...

So, let me just share that after day 5, I have realized what a selfish person I am.

I have a pretty amazing hubby and how this man puts up with me is miraculous. Today I will praise him for his patience and kindness with me.

..thanks for your sweet phone msg yesterday. We were in court until later in the afternoon. I am working with him today in our home office. I will have to post some pictures to let you see what I mean. How in the heck is it going for you?!?!?!?

Chelle' said...

I thought yesterday's dare would not apply to me... I reasoned, "He leaves for work before I'm awake, I'm busy with the kids throughout the day, he takes the kids and I work till 10... there's no time for a "circumstance" to occur let alone an overreaction." Uh-huh... sure.

Yesterday happened as it states above, except that when I returned home from work my daughter greeted me and shared that my youngest son had "broke the computer".

The laptop to which she was referring is a laptop we just picked up from the cyber school and are borrowing until our computer is repaired. So, it's not an option to BREAK it.

I felt myself get anxious. And if I am being honest... HAD NO CLUE this was a "circumstance" and/or that the challenge for the day was to not overreact... BUT GOD WAS PRESENT.

I was not only calm with Paul (though I do think I was a bit of a fast talker in the beginning of the conversation) but I was calm with the kids who had NO RIGHT to even be near the computer or jamming the stylus into the side of the monitor till it got stuck.

I'm going to have to give God the glory here because I am not only not a calm individual but I am an overreactor!!!

I have to believe that between this 40 day challenge and the Beth Moore Bible Study I am doing, "Living Beyond Yourself"... God is changing me.

Clearly He's a miracle worker!

Mari said...

The time I am likely to overreact is when I am working a lot and things need to be done at home, or we have guests coming over. Then I feel overwhelmed and that's when I get snippy. Or - I expect him to do things and think he will read my mind. You would think I would have learned by now!
I got this book yesterday and am looking forward to following it that way too.

Nancy said...

I'm typically not an over reactor or easily irritated but when I do it is usually not at home with my husband or with my adult children.
It gets crazy at work sometimes and I feel pulled in 10 directions at once. So I really have to remind myself that I am not the one in control but God is and allow Him to give me direction. To take a deep breath and tackle my job with kindness and patience.

Denise said...

Please come by my blog, I have some awards for you sweetie.

Mama Abby said...

Irritable, can be me in a nutshell...I thought that I wasn't PMS'ing (took a pregnancy test-negative) so I could do this...Jared was late for dinner and I was seething inside...but was calm as I talked to him and dissected the situation...grilling him like a lawyer, b/c I knew he would take selfish, so in need of a Saviour...irritable, as all of these things pointed out in this book, is a heart issue and I was looking for a fight, so I would call that irritable. That was before I REALLY started PMS'ing wasn't pretty, but as ALWAYS, God filled my depreciation room with "covered in love" and so did my gracious hubby...

You know, this is so good...but I do hope and pray that EVERYONE is being "driven to the cross" as we see our selfishness and realize how only through Jesus do we have the power to love like He loves...I hope it is empowering and not defeating...from what I've read in the comments, I think it is...