Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Love Dare- Day 6!

Yesterday's Followup: What things did your spouse point out about you that need your attention? How did you handle hearing it? What do you plan to do to improve in these areas? (Alright- I realize this may have been a sensitive conversation... so please don't feel like you need to post information that may make one of you feel uncomfortable- but take a few minutes to respond to this followup in your heart... then get started on Day 6!!)

Day 6- Love is not IRRITABLE!

"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city." Proverbs 16.32

Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive. How easily do you get irritated and offended? To be irritable means "to be near the point of a knife." People who are irritable are locked, loaded, and ready to overreact.

When under pressure, love doesn't turn sour. Minor problems don't yield major reactions. The truth is, love does not get angry or hurt unless there is a legitimate and just reason in the sight of God.

If you are walking under the influence of love, you will be a joy, not a jerk. Ask yourself, "Am I a calming breeze, or a storm waiting to happen?"

Two reasons people become irritable... Stress and Selfishness!! Stress weighs you down and drains your energy. It weakens your health and invites you to be cranky. The Bible can help avoid unhealthy stress. Colossians 3:12 says to let love guide you so you aren't caught in unnecessary arguments. Philippians 4 says to pray through your anxieties instead of handling them in your own strength.

Selfishness tends to be the heart of the problem when you are irritable. Matthew says, "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" When the pressure is on, do your words turn sour? Selfishness also wears other makes... anger, lust, pride!

These motivations can never be satisfied. But when Love enters your heart, it calms you down and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself. Love leads you to forgive instead of holding a grudge. To be grateful instead of greedy.

Love sets your heart up to respond to your spouse with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation.

Today's Dare
Choose today to react to touch circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.


Denise said...

Another good day at the Oldham house. I asked my lovebug to tell me three things, that cause him to be uncomfortable with me. He was so honest, and very open with his heart. It really touched me, because all three things were actually about me. 1) He said that it really bothers him when I put myself down, because he loves me so much. 2) He said it really bothers him that I am still hurting so badly over the death of my momma and brother. He is afraid that I have not accepted my mommas death especially. 3) He said it bothers him that I do not see myself the way he does, truly beautiful.

Mari said...

I have to admit that I didn;t do this. Bob had to go to a meeting at church right after supper and I felt it was too late to do it by the time he got home. It doesn't seem like the sort of conversation you should quick fit in. I will talk to him about it though!

heather said...

My husband had a rough day yesterday so I didn't want him have to think about me I will reserve the ? For a different day.

Irritable now that is my calling card this will be a chaalenge today stress is the driver b/c I get the joy & burden of working from home and sometimes the multi tasking gets the better of me and I take it out on my poor husband. I called a sitter so I will not have to do double duty for an hour and then I while have a kinder spirit

Joanne said...

Oh friend, we need to chat. I really blew it yesterday...

I thought I was doing great, boy am I one selfish individual!!!

I am not liking this love dare as much as I thought I would, UGH@!!!)(
I'll try calling you later, I am going with Paul to court all day.

sailorcross said...

I asked my son what are 3 things that I do that irritate him or make him uncomfortable.

He told me, "Nothing". And then asked me why I am asking him this question. I told him that I am trying to improve my relationships because our relationships with people are very important. Then he wanted to know if I'm going to do this with his two sisters--ask them this question. And I told him that yes, I was, but later.

I asked him to think about it--surely there must be something I do that irritates him!

Then, last night, I told him that I know something that I do that bothers him. And I told him what that was--when I am upset about something I go into my room and shut the door.

And, he agreed that this does bother him because one time, many years ago, I did this and tried to harm myself, tried to take my own
life, and he still is seeing the door shutting as that incident.

This was good that I brought this up to him because I was able to reassure him that I will never, ever do anything like that again. Life just had the better of me for too many years, I didn't know where to turn or what to do--obviously I didn't have Jesus in my life at that time!

I am learning so much already--I now know that when I am feeling stressed or upset about something, that he would rather I talk it out with him than sequester myself in my bedroom having a pity party!


Chelle' said...

I knew yesterday would be hard. Right after I commented about how it was day four and already felt easier... I knew I was in for it.

I asked my DH last night what three things that I do irritate him... (I excluded the two I listed in a previous post and told him he had to come up with things I could work on)

He asked for time to think about it. I had hoped he would return with three things by night fall but he didn't. I will remind him today.

Which brings me to my next point, "BOY O BOY AM I SELFISH!!!" Nothing shows just how selfish you are than when you ask someone to tell you how you can improve and the fact that they want to think about it disrupts your schedule... I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK IS WRONG WITH ME... NOW!!!!!!!! :)

I'm praying the Lord will do a work in our hearts each time a dare like this sparks an open dialogue. And I continue to grow in love by choosing PATIENCE! (Oh yes girls... day 1's Dare!!)

Thanks to all of you who are commenting. Each praise you have encourages us all in our journeys... and each struggle you share enables us to pray more specificallly!!!

May God be glorified in and through each of us and our marriages.

Nancy said...

Well, I did ask but I didn't get much of an answer back. Sweetman said he couldn't think of anything and than added that he thinks not many people have the kind of marriage that we have which is almost perfect. I guess that was a complement to us both and so I accepted that.

Mama Abby said...

Jared and I decided to tell each other what we thought bugged them about us...I knew that it bugs Jared when I 1)Don't speak kindly too him or belittle him in front of others (and it should--that's rude!) 2)My tone, in general, when I get short and impatient with him. 3) (he can't remember and neither can I) These have been before me for some time, but doing this, especially with #1 reminds me to really NOT do it...BY GOD'S GRACE!

The Patterson 5 said...

I asked Mr P and well, he said it was the fact that I am very hard on myself...striving for perfection which is unobtainable, so when I don't hit the mark I criticize myself and am down about it. He says I hold expectations for myself that no one could reach, and yet I do not hold others to this standard. So he suggested I try to hold myself to stadards I would hold one of my friends to.

This next dare is a challenge. I thought of your quote, "am I a calming breeze or a storm waiting to happen" I need to work on my breezyness especially on my long days. (Mr P is working on his MBA and two or three nights a week he is out for class and project meetings) I am feeling stormy just mentioning it. I am trying to stay breezy!