Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Love Dare- Day 5!!

Yesterday's Followup: What did you learn about yourself or your spouse by doing this today? How could this become a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of your lifestyle? Share in the comment section and then get going on today's Dare.

Love is not RUDE!

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. -Proverbs 27.14

Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating. Rude behavior may seem insignificant to the person doing it, but it's unpleasant to those on the receiving end.


In marriage, good manners express to your wife or husband, "I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who's a pleasure to be with. " When you allow love to change your behaviour- even in the smallest of ways, you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship.

For the most part, the etiquette you use at home differs from that of what you use with friends... or with strangers for that matter. You may pout around the house but when the doorbell rings, you open it all smiling and kind. Daring to love means that you'll also want to give your best to your own.

Two main reasons people are rude: ignorance and selfishness (OUCH!) As adults, we know the rules of etiquette... we are either breaking them blindly or are too self-centered to care.

1. How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around him?
2. How does your behaviour affect your mate's sense of worth and self-esteem?
3. Would your husband say you're a blessing or that you're condescending and embarrassing??

If you are thinking that your spouse- not you- is the one who needs work in this area, you're likely suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness. (OUCH AGAIN)

Guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage:

*Guard the Golden Rule- treat your mate as you want to be treated (Luke 6:31)
* No Double standards. Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers.
* Honor requests. Consider what your husband already asked you to do or not to do.

Today's Dare

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behaviour. This is from their perspective only.


sailorcross said...

Day 4:

I called my son from work knowing that he hadn't gone to work yet yesterday. This was during my lunch at work.

Conversation (him knowing it is me from his caller ID):

Son: Yeah?? (wariness in his

Me: Hi! How's your day going so

Son: Why?

Me: Just because I wanted to
touch base with you and see
how your day is going.

Son: Oh, okay.

Me: Well, how is your day going?
Anything interesting happen

Son: No--I'm just going to get
ready for work.

Me: Okay. You be sure and have
a wonderful day at work and
I'll talk to you when we're
both home again.

Son: Do you need something?

Me: No, just wanted to talk a
little before your day began.

Son: You don't need anything?

Me: No, I don't need anything.

Son: (with s sense of
exasperation in his voice)
Okay, if you're sure you
don't need anything, then
I'm going to go.

Me: Alright. I'll talk to you
later. I love you!!

Son: I love you, too. Are you
really sure you don't need
anything? Do you need some-
thing from the store? Do
you need me to do something-
go to the bank, change the
kitty litter? What do you
need? Why did you really

Me: I just called to tell you to
have a wonderful day and
that I love you.

Son: Okay, if you're sure. I'm
going to go. I love you,
too. Bye.

Now, the above conversation took s matter of minutes. But, after this conversation, which I was really listening to (how many times do we really not listen to what the other person is saying?), I realized that the majority of times when I do call my son out of blue, it IS because I NEED something!!

I need him to go to the store for me, I need him to go to the bank, and, yes, change the kitty litter!!

His wariness in the phone call made this all perfectly clear to me! He didn't realize that I could call him just to talk with him, just to say hello--I always call when I need him to do something for me.

And, this made me stop and think. How would I feel if every time someone called me, it was because they only needed something--not because they truly cared about me, wanted to see how I was, just to say "Hi, how are you? I was thinking about you today and I thought I would call you."

I know this is not part of today's dare, but I'm going to call him again today and just touch base with him.

This young man NEEDS to know that I care for him because of who he is and not because of what he can do for me.

What I thought was going to be a relatively simple dare changed into a real eye-opener for me! Hopefully, I can also open his eyes!


Mari said...

This was difficult in a way because of my husbands job. He is a manager of a True Value store and is often busy - I try not to call too often because he is frequently with a customer. Yesterday he was again, I was on hold for a few minutes and then he came back on. I told him that since I had the day off I was wondering if he needed me to do anything for him. Obviously I don't do this enough because he was surprised I was calling for that and really didn't have anything for me. I could tell that he did appreciate the call though!

Joanne said...

Today should be very interesting...

Denise said...

I am not able to call lovebug at work, so I met him outside at the car when he got home, took his lunchbox, jacket, and carried them in for him. I asked how his day was, and asked him if there was anything I could do for him. He smiled really big, hugged me, and said, you already did. It was a good day.

Ang baylis said...

Oh... darn... I am only on day one! I want to do this with you guys! I at least put the picture on my sidebar so others will know how amazing it is! I just sent this book from Michigan to a friend in Florida! The movie was fantastic!
Thanks for doing this! I'll be back!
Angie xoxo

Nancy said...

I can rarely get ahold of my sweetman during the day, he is always out and about but when I got home he was working on raking up the many leaves we have in the yard and I went out to help which cut his time in half. He thanked me for the help so I know he appreciated it. Smiles

heather said...

Chelle - how is the dare going for you?

The Patterson 5 said...

Yikes! This is so true. When going out with friends or to church I make sure my hair looks good and check to make sure what I am wearing looks right? Shouldn't I be doing that for my hubbie too? I'm going to ask the questions? Could be scary! But good in the end b/c if somethings needs changing I need to know!