Monday, October 20, 2008

Love Dare- Day 4!

Yesterday's Followup: What did you choose to give your spouse? (child, friend, whatever relationship you're investing in) What happened when you gave it? Take a second to share your thoughts below... then move on to Day 4!!

How precious also are Your thoughts to me... How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. -Psalm 139.17-18

Love thinks. When you first fell in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. You honestly confessed, "I can't stop thinking about you." But for most couples, things begin to change after marriage. The motivation for thoughtfulness cools. You unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your mate.

If you don't learn to be thoughtful, you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love. Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship. If we are being honest, men struggle with thoughtfulness more than women. Men tend to be one minded... focusing on one thing and forgetting the rest of the world. Women tend to think relationally. While at work at something she is cognizant of all the people somehow connected to it.

Good news... BOTH of these tendencies are examples of how God designed women to complete their men. Genesis 2.18 says, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him" Unfortunately, these differences also create opportunities for misunderstanding and if a couple doesn't understand this about one another, the fallout can result in endless disagreements.

A woman deeply longs for her husband to be thoughtful. It is a key to helping her feel loved. It is why she waits for surprises and when she is disappointed or upset, she tends not to tell him. She doesn't feel she should have to "spell it out" and he is equally grieved because he can't read her mind and wonders why he endures punishment for crimes he doesn't know he has committed.

Love REQUIRES thoughtfulness, on both sides. The kind that builds bridges through the constructive combination of patience, kindness and selflessness. Love thinks before speaking. It teaches you to engage your thoughts before your lips. It filters words through a grid of truth and kindness.

When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your spouse?

Today's Dare

Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.


Denise said...

I gave my husband a gift from my heart, I wrote him a poem. He loved it, his reaction really touched my heart. The poem is on my blog post from day 3.

Mari said...

I picked up some chocolates that I know are Bob's favorites, but rarely gets. He loved it!

sailorcross said...

I had a really hard time with this one!! My son usually buys whatever he wants, in fact, he helps me out financially!!

So, instead of buying him something, I did all his laundry--washed, dried, folded--changed the sheets on his bed--and he came home to a nice clean bed with nicely folded piles of laundry instead of his usual take it out of the dryer and lay it in a lump on the floor!!

He just looked at me and said, "Thank you for doing this for me. This was just so nice of you when I know you have other things that you need to be doing."



Joanne said...

We usually call each other lots and see how the other is doing. Paul is now home at work, so it would be hard not to talk and share.

As good as I think we are together, this is teaching me that there is always room for improvement.

So, I am noticing that you haven't shared yet. What did you do today my friend?

Nancy said...

I didn't get the chance to buy sweetman anything but I did try to be more attentive to his needs and to out guess what he wanted and to do it before he asked.

Heather said...

Following Chelle's lead to make this a focus I am going to jump in. I had a lot of work to do today to catch up but I did:

buy him a keychain for his favorite NFL team when I was at the mall tonight.

stood in the kitchen with him to talk after the kids went to bed instead of going right back to work.

And of course you all know from your experiences each dare was received so well and prompted him to respond in kinder ways back to me.

Chelle' said...

First... blog business- ya'll make me SOOO HAPPY. I am loving each new day I walk this journey with you.

Second- welcome aboard Heather! We are so glad to have you!! (On a personal note- I am so glad this Dare has given us the opportunity to reconnect)...

And lastly- here's my recap Joanne... I know you are biting at the bit. :)

Ironically, I bought my husband lunch after church. Chipotle to be exact. (Umm, Umm, Gooood) Here's the thing, he was very kind to thank me etc... but my thought at the beginning of the day was spot on. My husband loves NOT spending money. I would have actually showed him love MORE by NOT SPENDING.

I followed through however, and noticed that instead of turning the purchase into an opportunity to talk budget, he saw that I was "Trying".

We had a good day.

I know it's only been three days... but is anyone else noticing it's getting EASIER? (This comes on the heels of Thoughtfulness being the day's Dare... Tomorrow is Rudeness... pretty sure that one may throw me for a loop...)

I love you guys.

Mama Abby said...

I haven't commented yet, but Jared and I are actually doing the "Love Dare" for each's pretty interesting. Since we both know what's coming, it's kind of funny, but still great...I'll share a couple of things so far:

Last night we were driving to a prayer meeting and Jared, who had been there before, I thought KNEW how to get there, only to find out after I picked up the sitter that he didn''s where it's funny, because normally I would be all worried that we are late and possibly "berate" him...but God IS growing me to give him GRACE...he absolutely does for me when I mess up and so does my Abba instead, even w/ the directions, he turned on the wrong street, it was a comedy of errors with us arrive 1/2 hour late! But, I just kept laughing and tried to get him to laugh...nothing negative (even tho I thought Day3 didn't include that...oops!)

Today we "caught up" and bought somethings...I made him a special meal, bought him ice cream...he's so easy to please anyway, and worries that I am doing too much...but instead of serving it with a smile when he came home, I was tired, it was late, and I handed him JJ and dished out my own dinner! (how's that for selflessness??) He had gotten home later b/c he stopped to get me flowers (they are BEAUTIFUL) but I said I'd have rather'd he be home earlier...

we are laughing together at how selfish we remain and are each going before the Lord asking for His grace and pleading for Him to help us love better...

Thanks Chelle, this is awesome! Love you friend!

The Patterson 5 said...

I'm continuing to read ahead..... I just can't help it! Thoughtfullness-it's a weakness for my husband.... Yikes! I know that sounds negative but I don't think he'd mind me saying that.

I let him know things I like... flowers and what gifts (I make a list- so he can pick and it will still be a surprize) I also put our extra napkins from our wedding out at dinner the week before our anniversary so he won't(even though I don't think he would)forget the special day. It's fun for the kids to to see the "wedding" napkins come out! We are getting low on the napkins so I may just put one out in the middle of the table the week before.

My man can not read my mind (even when I think he should be able too) and it works so much better if I am just up front with what I want. His main desire is simply that I am happy.... so if I help him along with that all is well.