He was not comfortable with that post. And many of the conversations we've had recently debated whether or not I should have ever posted anything of that nature.
I have spent the last 24 hours thinking on this very topic... and this is what I have come up with. (With the counsel of two very dear friends)
This is my blog. And in that one can assume, even anticipate, that my feelings, thoughts, etc will be plastered on it's pages. That should I pick a topic to discuss or mull over, here in this webspace, that... I will. And I do. Commonly.
However, whether I may or may not be "entilted" to share my feelings with you here on this blog... is not really the issue. The issue is , "Do I want this marriage to work?" and if so, "What am I willing to do about it?"
I have an opportunity here to RESPECT my husband. So- I have made the choice to take down the post from last week as it has caused Paul to feel uncomfortable (which was never my intent none the less the result remains.) I will also be more considerate in the future and not share conversational details here.
Please know right now that this is a choice and not at all a feeling. Pulling that post goes against how I feel... but in an effort to invest into my marriage I am making the choice (and praying the feeling quickly follows) to respect him and to ultimately TRY!
Which leads me to the Love Dare.
I WANT God to move here. In me. In my heart. I am praying this Love Dare Challenge is an avenue He'll use to make me more like Him, granting me the ability to put my thoughts and insecurities aside and to love my husband unconditionally, selflessly, and with humility. To esteem him greater than myself... to build him up and to respect him.
And, in as much as this Love Dare is a challenge to me... I have to tell you I view it also as a challenge to God. I will do this Dare. Every day... to the best of my ability. I will choose Paul over me and God over us both... and I will EXPECT God to intervene. To change hearts and draw us unto Himself. I will expect God to soften our hearts... and make us capable of seeing Him in one another. And I will expect God to reunite our hearts throughout the course of this Dare.
What about you? Do you have any expectations throughout the course of this Love Dare??