Monday, April 27, 2009

I was lost...

I've never been away this long. Right about now, the three of you that are "following" me just looked on your blogger notification board and wondered what the heck "The World of Chelle' " is. It's just me friends. Stopping in to say hi.... two months after my last post. TERRIBLE I KNOW.

It's been a hectic few months. To be quite transparent- things have been a little overwhelming since the miscarriage in November. I didn't do well with that. It became obvious. In my family. In my marriage. I stopped making the choices God desired from me. I no longer desired to do what God wanted me to do regardless of my husband's actions. (Good or bad) I became distanced. And angry.

God is dealing with me. Still. But things are much better. I continue to learn that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. That trusting Him doesn't mean following Him only when the outcome is as I would have planned but that knowing NO MATTER the outcome He is who He says He is and He is trustworthy.

I think I will always REQUIRE a thorn in my side. I don't want to have to defend that last comment. It is more emotional than theological. But I do think I will always require a reminder. Something that keeps me completely dependant on the Lord. My tendancy is to revert to my power, my ability, my sufficiency. I am neither powerful, able nor sufficient so I'm amused by my actions everytime I find myself trudging through of my own volition and/or functioning in my own abilities (0r lack there of). You'd think I'd have this worked out by now.

My Lyme Disease is back. I've been off meds since the pregnancy. I really thought I'd kicked it. That HE'D kicked it. I thought I was through being a slave to this disease. And I was doing great. No meds. No muscle weakness. No muscle shaking. Few muscle twitches. No exhaustion. No swallowing issues.

Well- that was then...

Two months or so back I got meningitis and since then the symptoms have shown themselves more and more each day. I need to get an appointment for my Lyme Dr. and get back on a good protocol of oral and IM antibiotics. And I need to hurry before it becomes the saga it was 4 years ago.

Pray for me. Mostly that I would be focused on God and not this disease. That I would see the opportunity He has to show Himself in my weakness. That I wouldn't judge the circumstance as His lot for me but that He is my source as this circumstance occurs. The enemy can be brutal in times like these so I suppose the biggest prayer I have is that I would take captive EVERY thought that goes against God's will for me... that I would capture any thought that isn't good, right, true, noble, pure, excellent or praiseworthy. And that in ALL things, this included... I would PRAISE HIM!

Life happens. Lyme happens. God is still who He says He is. And we are still who He says WE ARE!


Mari said...

Hi Chelle - it's great to hear from you, but I'm sorry you've been having such a rough time. The things you want prayer for show that your heart is in the right place though - and I will pray.

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

I will be praying for you Chelle.

"Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ,so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." - 1 Peter 4:12-13

Colored With Memories said...

i am so sorry that the lyme is back...that has got to be so frustrating.

please know that i am encouraged to see how you handle your struggles with such faith...a faith that is not shaken.

i praise God for you...praying for you...don't be a stranger!

Mama Abby said...

Dear friend,

I will pray...I am so sure it has been discouraging to see the symptoms return...I will pray for things to be "nipped in the bud" with returning to meds.

I can relate to alot of what you said, you know, and am thankful that you shared to remind me about you much!!!!

Nancy said...

So glad to see you back!! but sorry you have had a time of it.. just know you are growing through every trial and God is right there with you.. He must have big plans for you so hang in there. We are praying for you.

Rebekah said...

My prayers going out to you. Glad you posted

A Stone Gatherer said...

So glad to hear from you again, but I am so sorry about your troubles! Praying that the Lyme disease gets under control ASAP!