Sunday, May 6, 2007

No Longer a Virgin...

RATED R FOR SEXUAL INNUENDOS.
NOT INTENDED FOR CHILDREN UNDER 18.


I have to admit... before today, I'd never done it. NEVER. Not even ONCE! But recently, I've been enticed. Influenced. Even solicited. And not just from my "un-churched" friends... but from my "churched" friends too. My good friends. Even Stacy- oh yes, Stacy- my small group leading, Masters' level counselor, church staff friend, Stacy... sure, even she encouraged me to do it... SO I DID.

With much reserve and even a little embarrassment... I whipped out 40 bucks and paid for my first....
PEDICURE!

(Alright all of you whose mind may have been in the gutter.... )

I have to say, I am happy to be free of the "Pedicure-Virgin" label. And may quite honestly, work to become an "easy" girl on this front. I fully expect to be a repeat customer. I really loved the process. The chair vibrated and pulsed. (Clearly pedicure foreplay.) And in the end, I was satisfied and content and well, could have napped. (I never was a "smoker.")

TRUE STORY... first, you should know that I REFUSE to wear shoes anytime I'm not in a retail store. If I am home, outside, in the yard, gardening... (Speaking of... my garden is all a bloom... WOO-HOO!) driving etc, I AM SHOE-LESS. I go bare. And I love it. HOWEVER, there is a cost to being bare most of the time. Dirty, icky, rough feet that are pleasing to NO ONE... not Paul and definitely not the pedicure man.


But here I was, feet in the water watching him prepare this big metal "foot-razor" wondering how embarrassed I'd be when he raised it to my foot. I couldn't have imagined my level of embarrassment and I have a long history of embarrassment to work from... (one n particular...my "hot flash" while in labor with B-boy that led me to take off my "robe" and deliver him BUCK NAKED... uh What??? Oh how hindsight tends to be 20-20 as I am now able to see that I was INDEED insane in that moment just as my husband always said I was.)

I've digressed... you've come to expect that of me have you not...

Anyway, the pedicure guy started with that "foot-razor" thing and to my horror, it was a scene out of Edward Scissor Hands... but instead flying grass, leaves, shrubs and the sort... it was my nasty-grubby-rough foot skin sailing around the spa air as if in a snow globe. ICK! Poor guy kept pausing to shuffle excess icky foot stuff off his pants and onto the floor. I felt terrible.

GOOD NEWS- all his name calling and swearing was in Chinese so I didn't know I should feel bad. (wink-wink)

If you find that you too are a "pedicure-virgin"... NO NEED TO REMAIN THAT WAY. Make your appointment today.
If your entire disposition doesn't change...
at least your toe nail polish will
.


3 comments:

Carolyn said...

GIRRRRRLLLL, that is hilarious! I HATE getting pedis....ugh! I am horrifically ticklish. I have to grip the chair in agony as they use the loofah to scrub my feet...I hate that part!!! I do love how it feels afterwards though! Thanks for the laugh! Think of you often! Oh, and I'm still waiting to read your 100 things! :)

stacy said...

finally . . . .it's about time . . (and you know I'm talking about more than one thing here . . )
great picture of your perfectly manicured . . . GARDEN!!! what's up with that? This isn't Extreme Makeover HOME ADDITION . . . don't give us gory details and leave us without the "it was so worth it" picture . . . i'll be waiting . ..

Chelle' said...

Stacy- for you I have added a pic to the post. I cropped the pic to ONLY my toes as I don't have such pretty feet (as already discussed in the blog)
Nice to see you on my blog by the way. :)