Friday, August 31, 2007

What I'm Learning...

I have recently been called to a place with God that was unchartered territory for me and it was difficult for me to respond. With my health issues overwhelming me at times, the task of raising my children, my new found joy in being a Prvbs 31 woman (individual, child of God, wife and mother) and the demands of my job... I've found myself taking inventory... personal, spiritual, social... etc.

I have decided, for my own benefit, (and possibly a little for yours) to put into writing what I am learning in the category of "spiritual"... Oh- and a special thank you to Beth Moore for her numerous insights found in the book Believing God.

I suppose I could start with the fact that I am tired of inconsistency being the only consistent thing in my life. I am inconsistent because I either get tired of the effort required to keep on a path of righteousness, success etc, (which I now know wouldn't be a problem were I only to seek my place in the Lord and draw from His strength in me to achieve the things He calls me to. ) or because I try to do too many things instead of seeking God for the few things in His will that He desires me to focus on.

I'm tired of feeling like we are fighting for each and every small thing we have and yet we still lack things like finances for a home for us all to fit, a school for the children, and financial security so that I don't have to work 25 hours a week with a body that can truly only handle 10 hours at this point in time. And yet I am learning that God's Economy says that what is worth having is proved worth fighting for. And He greatly wants to bless His children not only with a place of blessing but a place to live, a with a great harvest and with victory over our enemies. He wants to give us our PROMISED LAND.

I truly believe that I am learning that I need to exchange FEAR and COMPLACENCY for BELIEF in order to receive said Promised Land. And that the only thing that closes the gap between my THEOLOGY and REALITY is FAITH!!! And sometimes I don't choose faith because I falter on the side of living my emotions.

I'm learning that my purpose for existence is not at all to raise wonderful children or serve my husband or even make 4$ drinks at Starbucks but to PLEASE GOD!!! And that pleasing God means "continually believing Him" And that process of "believing" includes the ACTION of faith... an exercise of MY WILL. And that is where raising wonderful children, serving my husband and making drinks at Starbucks brings GLORY to Him.

I'm learning that my toughest battles will concern matters of my faith. That I have been and will continue to be tempted to believe God's Word and His ways won't work for me, that He has abandoned me, and/or failed to come through for where I will have to raise my shield of faith and my sword of the spirit and not just believe God... but BELIEVE THE GOD I BELIEVE IN!!!

He is who He says He is!!! And He can do what He says He can do.

I'm learning that there is a need to consistently seek sanctification and to daily recognize His work in me.

Beth Moore says this regarding faith and an attitude/perspective one should have regarding it...

If God said it, I want to believe it.
If God gives it, I want to receive it.
If God shows it, I want to perceive it.
If Satan stole it, I want to retrieve it.

I now know that in scripture when God was about to move in the lives of His people he began with a reminder of WHO HE WAS... and that nothing is more ignorant today than choosing Man's intelligence over God's in regards to defining Him. We like to neatly package God- to make him explainable... because to man- what is unexplainable becomes not plausible and we decide we can only believe what we can humanly reconcile.

I'm learning that FAITH UNCHALLENGED ORDINARILY MEANS FAITH UNCHANGED!!! and that I do not want that at all.

And for me, a big thing that I am learning is that GOD DOESN'T WORK FOR ME ... HE WORKS FOR GOD! (Thankfully... Because were God to work for me, His will would rarely be accomplished.)

I'm learning that God can do what He says He can do precisely because He is who He says He is. And that God doesn't mind proving His own people wrong to prove His Word right. (Boy have I been on that end before!!) And that I have no need to be solely doctrinally Black or white because God also functions in grey.

I am learning this...I can always hope and pray diligently for a miracle. But, if in God's sovereignty, He chooses to accomplish His purposes another way, let it not be that I have not because I ask not (James 4.2) or that I have not because I believe not. (Matt. 9.29)

And that harder still to swallow is this principle... Any "no" I receive from the throne as I earnestly seek God is for the sake of a greater YES whether realized on earth or in heaven.

And a personal truth I am learning about the nature of God...

Knowing the truth about God, His unceasing ability to perform miracles, and the truth about the undeniable role of suffering under the new covenant only frees me up to believe Him more... BECAUSE I AM FREED FROM WHAT SCARES ME! (That He won't come through for me, won't dignify me with a yes or won't prove faithful.)

If God says no to my request I can believe there's a greater Yes in progress because I AM GOD'S PRIORITY!!

The unchartered territory I feel God has called me to... is one simple (THOUGH NOT EASY) sentence He wants me to say to Him daily. One simple (THOUGH NOT EASY) declaration of faith. One simple (THOUGH NOT EASY) act of submission. It goes something like this-

God- were I to never be healed of this condition, or worse, were my health to rapidly decline leaving me unable to talk, move, or communicate with another (husband, children, family)... I choose you, I trust you and I know that YOU are enough for me!!

SEE- I told you it was simple... anyone can say that... but it isn't easy because saying it means that were God to truly allow me to endure a path of decline, with a horrible prognosis... that my fear of death, fear of what will become of my children, fear of my husband's heart, and fear of my inability to express my love for each of them to the day I die would have no place because my eyes would be fixed on Him knowing full well that He is purposing me and that situation for a GREATER YES!!! Something far more significant to His plan- to His will than sparing me from that situation.

I try to remember that were Peter to have had his way... Christ would have been spared from the cross... and ultimately... sin would have won and as a result... we would all spend an eternity apart from God. God displayed a GREATER YES in allowing Christ to die on the cross so that we all might live forever.

I can not pretend to know the heart or will of the Father... but what I do know is that I trust Him. Because He is who He said He is and He can do what He says He can do. I am safe to leave the details to Him.


Marci said...

Thanks for sharing, Chelle! You hit a nerve with me and it's good to be reminded of some of those things. I'm being "tested" lately and it's good to hear I'm not alone.

mac said...

as usual, this was insightful, poignant, and an absolute pleasure to read. I've passed your blog to my mom and she loves it. thanks!